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Wept reading book

I'll bet your inbox is gonna be full with this one! A friend gave me this book The Highly Sensitive Person several years ago and I wept when I read it, especially the parts about relationships and what can happen when one person is a HSP and the other isn't. My friends still do not understand why I don't want to go to music festivals, and why I go to art festivals alone – so I can leave when I get overwhelmed. Yes, I am an artist and musician and used to earn my living doing "psychic" readings. Might as well use that empathic sensitivity to good purpose! I live in a small town; I've always avoided freeway driving if at all possible. I didn't drive at all for a long time – I felt too bombarded. And to anyone who has ever had somebody say to them, "You're just too sensitive" or "Why can't you just get over it?" – read this book!

(RG note) Thanks Pauline. Yes, we were indeed inundated. It almost shut down this studio computer. Difficult to choose the most insightful from the varied responses. So many were heart-wrenching. So good, so valuable, and often so "sensitive." To this community of creators we say: "Thanks so much for your confidence, your sharing, and your friendship."

Difficulty finishing

Your current letter on HSP, and your mention of perfectionism has me wondering about my difficulty in calling a painting "finished." Usually within 24-48 hours of completing a painting, I put it back up on the easel to further develop areas or to fix imperfections.

You also mentioned that HSP/creatives often can get obsessed with the process. I was wondering why I keep working on a painting long after my wife has said, "Stop working on it. You're done." I also contemplated why I seem to envision the creation, but not the completion of a subject.

Perhaps your description of HSPs seeing themselves and their work as inherently flawed is the answer to my question. Do artists who complete great volumes of works simply have a stronger ego, or sense of self importance?

Highly sensitives to be shut in

As a loner and artist, I found that one cannot go through life as "highly sensitive".

Cypress Roots  click image to enlarge

That attitude belongs only inside our four walls, whether that be a 2-room studio or 14-room house. I have grown older with disabilities and used to be "highly sensitive" as a result of being tainted as a child, so my personality is deeply ingrained. However, when I go into the world to sell art, work, and socialize, I have to be tough and assertive. If I allow somebody to enter my world, my studio, my shell or home, then I can be more "highly sensitive". However, I have become way too old and wise to have temper tantrums and shut doors after being criticized, advised or castigated. In fact, I welcome that kind of stuff... then I can mull it over in front of the person with my doors wide open. I can take it as "food for thought" and spit it out if I need to, but sometimes one can grow from not shutting doors and instead listening to criticism. But sometimes people are just darn ignorant.

My real job

It was a bit reassuring to discover that I am in the 15% of the general population

Hen Party original painting  click image to enlarge

with this "disorder". All my living years to date (50) I have struggled with over-sensitive feelings. I had a stay in hospital when I was 31 that had appropriately been called depression, but after a 2 week stay in the hospital was to my discovery a culmination of years of extreme criticism which I allowed to be interpreted as true. I still will get "hurt" from time to time but a firm talk to myself (with little interference from my "little" voice) will usually stop the criticism to be taken.

My biggest hurdle was to finally believe that I have a right to be an artist and know in myself that this is a real job that I must do. Some people closest to me have a difficult time thinking this, as the income doesn't compare to theirs, but even if fights arise I stand my ground and believe in myself. The creative juices usually subside during these bouts but I will lock myself in my studio and the work will flow like blood from my veins as if to reinforce my convictions that I am right! Screw the world of these cruel beings that feel they have to put me down in order to feel better themselves. What do they know about art anyway? Do they paint? Do they even purchase art? (just some of my inner questions I ask myself during the cutting of my ego).

So the struggle of over-sensitivity will always be, but that is why I agree with Dr. Aron - it helps us creative sorts. It has me, especially, since I figured out how to cope with the "disorder".

Sensitivity can be treated

I am a hypnotherapist who also practices an energy therapy (EFT). I don't think being sensitive is genetic. Maybe it is, but it can be treated. It does not affect the creativity someone has, except to enhance it.

In my experience, these sensitive people (myself included) have been mistreated as a child. Sometimes the mistreatment is dismissed by the person as typical child raising practices, but if you investigate, you can find that the person was berated and felt that they were wrong or bad. With EFT and hypnosis, we can eliminate the feelings still associated with these events. The person becomes more confident in all areas of their life. With these two therapies, it only takes 3-7 sessions compared to years and years of traditional therapy.

Play helps the struggle

High sensitivity has caused many struggles in my life. Finally in middle age, I am

Appalachian Harmony Acrylic on Watercolor paper  click image to enlarge

learning to deal with it. I immediately ordered Dr. Aron's book. I am certain that I will share it with those whom I love.

Having vivid dreams has been a lifelong trait for me. Dreams often inspire the colors in my paintings. In my art, I have learned to ignore the naysayers much as you said, "they just don't understand my vision." I have also developed a great sense of play which involves being able to laugh at myself and even at my work.

Currently one of my paintings is undergoing a major re-working because "I don't think it is good enough." And I just thought that was the reason--not my high sensitivity demanding 'perfection'.

Where is my 'off' button?

I will have to read this book as soon as possible! All my life people have told me to stop being so sensitive. I remember my mother back handing me when I asked where my "off" button was. But honestly, I always did wonder where it was! I took refuge in drawing and painting because people left me alone when I was doing things like that. I was too boring to bother. Hiding in books works, too. I would also run off for long, long walks. Funny that Julia Cameron of The Artist's Way prescribes doing exactly that along with lone artist dates, etc.

I have long had the sense that I needed to "protect" something in myself from prolonged noise or people contact. In the past I have even put aside an entire day, Sundays usually, to be in solitary confinement, doing quiet things to prepare for the onslaught of the week. Even my chosen "Day job" consists of sitting alone in an office making deals via the phone, which I don't even have to pick up if I don't want to.

It is comforting beyond belief to read your letter today and know that I am not "weird" as I have often been accused, just operating on normal for my own comfort levels. I have even contemplated joining a convent where nobody speaks, but they may not let me paint as much as I want to.

Needs a hug

Seems to me that a big part of the "HSP-ism" is necessary to being an artist,

Dresser 1 pastel on paper  click image to enlarge

specifically the part about being down on your work. That's the very thing that drives us to improve. By the way, I took a look at the sensitivity test and it really seemed more like an "are you a human being" test. If you answered no to most of the questions you might fall into the "other" categories like: roofer, Enron CEO, art critic, or Donald Trump. I think I need a hug.

Stressful promoting book

I am still trying to explain myself to my husband who is an engineer without a clue.

California girl reconstructed Mixed Media  click image to enlarge

I gave him Elaine's book to read before we got married, but I know he does not really understand. I met Elaine and it's totally true, she is that way and is married to a man who is not.

I am one of the HSPs who is sensitive to loud noise, etc., the whole enchilada, and living in this world is difficult for us except when making art, listening to great music, etc. Unfortunately, that is not a 24 hour a day activity. I'm not sure that it is a good trade-off for people like us, as we do have to live in the real world.

When I met Elaine (we both live in San Francisco) I could tell how stressful it was for her to promote her book. For those of you who live in this area, she is a therapist who counsels others like herself.

Time to educate the insensitive

This is so true as well as important for us as a group, and for those who are not as

Power of Freedom Mixed Media  click image to enlarge

much sensitive, to learn about us, the artists.

Sensitive/creative people have been misunderstood and underestimated over the centuries. However, such ones have introduced history and cultures to the world. It is about the time to educate the non-creative who do not possess same amount of sensitivity to correct their views. Sensitivity is the quality of being capable of perceiving with full senses, swift to respond to external conditions and stimulations, vulnerable to the attitudes, feelings, or circumstances of others. Also, sensitivity is the degree to which something may be affected by something else directly, as rods and cones on the eye's retina and photo-reactive components of photography are instantly, affected by light. This happens as response of a photographic plate, film or paper to light, especially to light of a specified wavelength so are artists affected by surroundings.

Highly sensitive, not crazy

I am 32, and over the years I have seen a few therapists and doctors trying to

Cat  click image to enlarge

figure out what exactly is my problem… always told, "you are depressed, you're a loner …no big deal... you're just sensitive… you just get easily overwhelmed… you don't have good self esteem, that's why you can't see how good your artwork can be."

Robert Genn's letter just explained my life since childhood and what I am noticing in my youngest daughter! I have few friends… I am constantly… since childhood... trying to keep everyone at peace and getting along… am known as "the referee"… can not stand large crowds (everyone talking at once… all the noise!) I am well known to zone out when reading or watching television… I am very much a loner (and have been trying to smooth over ruffled feathers with friends and family since I don't know when… try to explain it is not them… I just prefer to do things on my own).

I see things that no one else notices in everything I do! And now for the first time in my life… I know why! I am a highly sensitive person! I'm not crazy! I am not Bi-polar… and if I was depressed in the past it was because I could not figure out why I was different from most people!

Recognition for all the suffering

This topic just blew me away. I am so glad someone finally understands me.

Incoming Tide at Seal Rock original painting  click image to enlarge

Seriously though I realised you could be addressing me exactly. Quite an eyeopener. I know that people have always called me weird, withdrawn, different and that old standby epithet "antisocial" and those are just to my face. I can just imagine what they say behind my back. In fact I'm sure someone, somewhere right now is talking about me. I just know it. Most importantly what do you think the chances are in getting HSP officially recognised as a disorder? I would like some recognition and understanding for all my years of suffering and the opportunity to tell all my critics, "you're being very insensitive, I'll have you know I have HSP disorder, so just lay off."

Three important issues

Now that I have officially been diagnosed as an HSP by the three minute test, a great weight has been lifted off my mind in getting on with my career. Fortunately, I'm at an age that I don't worry too much at what someone has to say about my work. It takes a lot of effort to develop self-confidence and grit as an HSP to shield one's self from the outside world. Summing up, there are three important issues helping my quest. 1. Stay happy! 2. Develop a pricing matrix for your labor and material cost. 3. Respond graciously to your customers' whims. We're in a luxury business and as such, don't worry about forces you have no control over.

Learned to cope

I read Elaine Aron's book several years ago. The book and her recommendations have made a huge difference in my life. I no longer force myself to attend evening events or large parties, undertake travel or anything else which severely depletes my creative energy for no reward. I can also spot and reassure other sensitive people that how they are is okay. Just being aware and preparing for social events helps me to cope. My art has benefited and I'm happier and calmer.

Outgoing 'outsider'

My whole life I never felt I fit in anywhere, always feeling like the "outsider." I

Original Painting  click image to enlarge

am also very intuitive and can always tell when someone is threatened by me or does not like me even if they don't really know me. My feelings are constantly hurt especially by family members and extended family. They say things I would never say. I constantly worry about animals not having enough food or drink or being mistreated. I don't dwell so much on people, but do have empathy for the horrors done to mankind. I just know there is nothing I can do to stop it.

I felt better about myself after reading your piece. Unlike a lot of HSP I am very, very outgoing and upbeat when I am out and I enjoy talking with strangers at art shows and anywhere else. Someone said the other day that I seemed like the kind of person that nothing bothered. If they only knew.

My art gives me the opportunity to do something worthwhile--and to escape while not having to be around anyone else.

Change shakes us up

Elaine Aron's Sensitivity Test got me thinking about the notion of being

Flow (Illecilleweat Glacier) original painting

"shaken up" by change. I doubt that many people can deny that change shakes them up, one way or another. With artists, often identified as highly sensitive people, change is the one constant on which they can depend – the change that must come with creative growth, the changing marketplace, and the multiple challenges that come with pursuing a passion over traditional means of ensuring security. Change shakes us up, and we can thank our Muse for it… we are driven by change to create, to excel, and to become better humans, perhaps even more sensitive humans!

Pure rubbish

There are indeed "sensitive" people (some more than others), but I fail to see what the issue is about this. Psychoanalysts, psychiatrists and psychologists are a useless breed of people, totally unscientific, with no factual backing of their theories and certainly with no practical or curative applications. Freud, Jung and their ilk are in reality clever phonies who managed to persuade the public that they were profound thinkers and understood the brain function. Far from it. They invented a jargon and lots of fatuous definitions which mean nothing. In the medical school in London we had a saying: Psychiatric patients are people who build castles in the clouds and the psychiatrists collect the rent. "Who are the witch doctors?" asks Richard Feynman in The Meaning of It All. "Psychoanalysts and psychiatrists of course". Classifying people as HSPs and tests as devised by Ms. Aron are pure rubbish and neither help nor contribute towards the understanding of the human brain function. Research on the latter is difficult and slow. Our personality, thoughts and creativity are dependent on the neuronal interactions, cellular membrane channels and neurotransmitters, and at the submolecular level on quantum physics. As Johnjoe McFadden concludes in his book Quantum evolution, "Life and consciousness are quantum phenomena".