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+Raising
creative kids
May 17, 2002Dear Artist,
In the art of parenting we all begin as amateurs. By the time we turn pro, it's
generally too late. Carol and I managed three out of the box: a filmmaker, a musician, and
a painter. All are apparently flourishing. Here are some ideas we bumped into while
getting lucky with creative kids:
Show is always better than tell.
Your kids already know your opinions.
Kiss them regularly if they'll let you.
Be alert when they approach you with ideas.
Encourage them to colour outside the lines.
Keep in touch. Let them know where you are.
Let you and your spouse be sails, not anchors.
Field trips are more valuable than classrooms.
One of the best things you can say is "try it".
Non-judgmental curiosity beats seasoned guidance.
When kids hang out in the studio, you pick up tips.
Let the kids visit with weird friends and relatives.
The development of imagination requires their privacy.
Always have materials available. Try not to be stingy.
Encourage enterprise. Let them make and sell lemonade.
They understand if you travel during the drum-set stage.
A kid's opening sentences are not always topic sentences.
If they don't know what you think, they are likely to ask.
From time to time be dull and stupid. The kids will rally.
Before making suggestions, give it some thought. They have.
Last summer a man who I had never seen before knocked on
my studio door. With a sly smile he told me he had nine of my daughter Sara's early
paintings. It seems that twenty-four years ago he had been walking by and purchased them
directly from her. She was creating and selling them at a small table out on our lawn. At
the age of six Sara's works were 25 cents each, or nine for $2.
Best regards,
Robert
PS: "Your children are not your children.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls.
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, even in your dreams.
You are the bows from which your children, as living arrows,
are sent forth." (Kahlil Gibran)
Esoterica: Recently I wrote a short article "Daughter and
Father" for Art Avenue Magazine. It tells the story of my daughter Sara beginning
with her decision to become a painter. It's on-line at
Daughter and Father
The following are selected correspondence arising from the above
and other letters. Thanks for writing rgenn@saraphina.com
+Creative vision
My husband and I are both artists and our six children share our
artistic bent. We live in a rural part of CT. The story of your daughter reminds me of the
time Zach and Jen were both about seven years old and had been producing handmade
bookmarks at a furious pace for days. I overheard their sales plan one afternoon: Jen said
"We could sell them to the neighbors." Zach said, "Yes, but if that doesn't
work we'll bring them to New York."
I do wish I could get their creative minds to think of ways to
keep the socks sorted or have the dirty glasses around the house find their own way back
to the kitchen. I'm sure my mother felt the same way.
Pamela Simpson, Connecticut, USA pamelot@rcn.com
+Creative parents
I am 9 months pregnant and very excited to be having another son. This is a second
marriage and I thought I might not ever have another child until I met my husband
Giuseppe. To share the love of a couple and understand each other to allow and feed each
other's desire for creativity is one of the most beautiful gifts in a marriage.
Giuseppe is a computer engineer and one of the most creative men I have ever met. He
understands creativity and how interesting it is the way our minds work. I wonder how this
boy will be. Dad creative + Mom creative = ? I have one more project I need to complete
before I go into labor. I am painting a fresco in the baby's room. I slaked my own
lime a year ago and it is looking very smooth. Time to get to work, or I should say time
to get to JOY!
Denise Scaglione denise-scaglione@attbi.com
+Show and tell
You mentioned "show is better than tell." In the case of
my parents they could only tell me what I should do. They were/are talkers, not doers. I
had to learn what I've learned by working together with people who put value in what
they actually do. The photographer Courtney Milne had it right: "Let's you and I
conjure together. You watch me and I'll watch you and I will show you how to show me how
to show you how to do our marvelous human tricks together."
Anonymous |
+Two kinds of people
There may indeed be two kinds of people. Are there not also two kinds of
"artists"? Artists who paint for the sheer joy of the process, and artists who
paint in the hope their work will sell, earn them a living and  some sort of recognition by peers and/or collectors? If we can
achieve both, we've won the jackpot. If we can refrain from continuing to paint what sells
and stay true to what we love to do, how we change, no matter what, we've hit it again. We
can't, ultimately, work in total isolation. Nor, I believe are we meant to. Somewhere
along the line, whether we ask for it or not, someone will want to make a comment on our
creations. Positive comments do not necessarily a "good artist" (whatever that
is) make, or vice versa. We are, consciously or not, constantly shaped by what people
around us say and do. We are affected by a smile as we are by a frown. It's part of the
game. A comment of any kind is ultimately just somebody's opinion. It is not THE TRUTH.Martine
Gourbault gomargo@shaw.ca |
+No next time
Unfortunately the projection of unfulfilled desires by parents onto their offspring
is universal. I have no more right to program my child to so something I want than I have
the right to impose a religion before he is able to make valid decisions by himself. I
think every human should have the right to choose, within reason, what he wants to do. As
a parent I have to protect my child from evil while giving him the opportunity, the
confidence and the will to make something out if his life. I am (fortunately) not the only
role model my child will have. If I open my child's eyes to the chances life offers, I
have done my job. It is fatal for a child's future if he is made an instrument of the
parents' wishes to turn back the clock and do it better next time. There is no next time.
I have two children. My daughter studied graphic design and is now training to be an
educator of abused and abandoned children. Her decision. My son is currently studying
philosophy and is an accomplished jazz musician. By choice.Faith Puelston, Wetter,
Germany fpuleston@gmx.net
+Art of illustration
I think I've decided on a career in illustration and I hope to go to an art school after
my a-levels. My problem is with choosing the right art school to go to. My art teacher has
told me to visit the final shows of some of the art schools to see the kind of work being
produced at that particular place, however when the art schools I'm interested in are
miles away (Edinburgh, Falmouth) this is going to cost. I'm also worried that the future
lies in graphic design and everything will be done on computer and I'm thinking that if
this is the case then I don't want to do illustration. Also I was wondering how important
you think a mentor is with regards to your development in art. Perhaps at the end of the
day our artistic development is down to us and we just have to keep working. But I think
I'm going to be quite lost next year as my art teacher, who has given me 3 years of
constructive criticism and has generally dug me out of a hole when I've gone wrong, is
leaving. And I feel too young and naive to be left completely to my own devices. I would
be grateful for any advice.
Sarah Sibley, Suffolk UK jdss@sibley69.freeserve.co.uk
(RG note) Computer-generated graphic design is the future. If you don't like
computers you could be left out in the rain. Many areas of illustration are still
relatively computer free, but don't count on it staying that way. I think you should
go to art school and see what likes you. All you may need to set the juices flowing could
be at a nearby community college. In art education it's not the school you go to but
what you bring to the school. With regard to mentoring there is a balance between
self-motivated rugged individualism and a respected authority who cares for your progress.
Those who show the first often receive the second. |
+Paint box
I am quite interested in plein air painting and remember you had talked about a pochade
box in one of your letters that you had made. I emailed you and asked about the
directions. If you can find them I'd surely be interested.
Cathleen Perkins, Bozeman,
Montana, USA cath@in-tch.com
(RG note) This is the box that I mentioned in "Pick up your tool"—May 21,
2002.
Mine is home-made from quarter inch mahogany plywood. Overall dimensions are
about 16 x 10 x 6 inches. The lid holds an 11 x 14 stretched canvas for standard painting.
The other paintings in unfinished stages have been drawn with liquid acrylic with
cone-shaped dispenser tops. This is an easy and fast way to make sketches on location.
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+Art in Cuba
I've just returned from a month in Cuba. I found it incredibly
easy to paint there (lots of good subjects) and also easy to meet with other artists. Just
swinging down the street with my portfolio made the locals curious. They are so kind and
friendly. "Tu es una pintura?" they ask, and then hang around to watch
your progress. They were full of admiration, not jealousy, for my materials, paper,  quality brushes which we take for granted. The government pays artists a
regular salary, similar to doctors, but it's not much by our standards. There are
small state-run commercial galleries here and there with lots of staff but not too busy.
It seems that if private individuals start up their own and get a little too successful
the state shuts them down. Fidel wants to encourage art, but only through the proper
channels. I visited a wonderful new art school. State of the art, built inside an ancient
ruin in the provincial town of Trinidad, it had yet to be opened. It contrasted with the
existing school which was depressed, run down and seemed to be short of everything. The
embargo affects everyone but the result is that Cuba is a roll-model for recycling. The
country is clean; there is no litter. Their ingenuity in maintaining old cars is
legendary. Period and Spanish colonial buildings are frozen in time and the place is
bubbling with romance and past splendor. Everyone seems to have charm and charisma and
while they may want to get something from you, they are generous and thoughtful to
foreigners.
Carol Lopez |
+Validation by taxation
Your recent letter was about external validation. In the Soviet Union validation art was
not free, artist not obligatory want it, but he was enforced to have validation from state
art critics – Artists who were not validated did not have the rights to be exposed at
exhibitions or even have not right to have name of his production as art. Of course, not
always that art critic's validation was truth. These days this validation is necessary
too. Our state tax law demands validation of art activity as business. Yaroslaw
Rozputnyak, Moscow, Russia yaroslaw@zebratelecom.ru
(RG note) Yaroslaw has sent us a large document about art taxation in Russia. If you
are living somewhere other than Russia and are depressed about taxes, you should read it.
It will make you feel better. We will copy his material to you if you ask. He is
interested in hearing of tax situations in other countries so that he might advise his own
on a more sensible and less punitive approach.
+We are alone
As far as being an artist is concerned I always had a precocious talent and that's what
has helped me throughout the whole of my life. I can honestly say that I have never asked
for approval in my work. I learnt long ago that life is your own, inspiration is your own,
you create alone, and the results are your own, and that's good enough for me.
Dave Louis, Coventry, UK DLOUIS8@aol.com
|
Sunflowers, oil
K. Y. Hanewich kahm@nexicom.net |
Salt dish and flower, acrylic
Ilania Abileah Ilania@citenet.net
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Winthrop, oil
M. Lyttle Lyttleworks@aol.com |
Peonies, watercolour
Vivian Dere vdere@shaw.ca
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The Iris, Mixed media
Sharon McCord, Bremerton, Wa., USA
sharon643@juno.com |
Ploughed Rice Fields, Meegoda, Sri Lanka
Ifthikar Cader, Sri Lanka iacader@eureka.lk
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Gertrude, Helene McIntosh
ronhelene@shaw.ca |
Paradise, Afton Corbett, Colville, WA, USA
aftoncorbett@msn.com
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þ
Please feel free to comment on anyone's remarks. If you add your email address right
after your name at the end of your letter, we will include it. If you wish to write
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future use. We generally include ten or so letters in each "clickback" so you
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able to translate letters from most languages. Please address your letters to rgenn@saraphina.com
You may be interested to know that artists from every state in the USA, every province
in Canada, and at least 100 countries worldwide have visited these pages since January 1,
2002. That includes grandma of seven Shirley Flynn, sflinn@telusplanet.net who says: "Most of us
do finally figure it out, when we become grandparents." And Norma Hopkins of Bolton,
Lancashire, UK Norma@elizabethangold.co.uk
who writes: "If there are any fathers out there and I could give you any advice,
listen to the questioning of your little ones with a smile in your heart they will never
forget and the smile will linger for ever. My Father's does, I'm smiling now."
And Jesi Barron of Victoria, B. C. Canada jesi@pacificcoast.net
who says: "I come from an artistic family. I recently discovered my
grandfather's work on line. His name was Henry Bowser Wimbush. He painted in
watercolours and many of them were printed for post cards at the turn of the century. He
died 1943. He supported 12 children in England."
A Life In Your Hands
If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn;
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight;
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy;
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty;
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient;
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence;
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate;
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice;
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith;
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself;
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
he learns to find love in the world.
Dorothy Law Holte
In the last letter "External validation" I dealt with the mind-bending
influences that affect us courtesy of our moms and dads. It was a sensitive subject and
brought in some valuable
correspondence. Thanks to all who wrote, anonymous and not. External validation
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